Dear Heidi Montag,

Dear Heidi Montag,

I love your song Body Language! My other guilty pleasure is your song Overdosin'. However, I'm really sad right now! I haven't been able to listen to my ipod for days. Why, you wonder? Well, here's the truth and nothing but the truth so help that nun with the holey panties. I am still hiding underneath my covers after that embarassing "performance" (as you called it) at the Miss Universe pageant. What the FUCK!!!! My face was red during the entire painful display of lack of talent. Talk about giving bitches ammunition to publicly destroy you. My twelve year old sister and her friends from down the block could have done a better job with homemade props and costumes. I agree with Kristen Cavalari about watching a repeat of Britney Spears "comeback performance" at the VMA's. WHAT THE FUCK!! Well, I have to go now. I'm slowly suffocating underneath my blanket. I think my laptop is sucking up more oxygen from under here that I will eventually need to survive.

P.S.- You should really stick to Playboy. You have more talent laying on your back in a nude photo then you do when you make yourself stand up and pretend to dance. I know that was harsh, but we have to be harsh with those we love. Deuces!

Back to reality now that my inner teenager is done! For those of you who haven't seen. Here's the Heidi Montag disaster called a performance courtesy of youtube.